Bedroom Matters: When a woman encounters roadblocks in bed

I have been crucified for my lusty thoughts and actions in the bedroom more times than I can count. I have come to learn that most men, are scared of a woman who is wanton and open about her sexual preferences. But if they only knew the havoc they create because of that…

A good example is my boyfriend. You see, I tried to tell him what I wanted in bed, how I like it delivered. And why not? I have feelings too. I love sex too. Who said men are the only ones who can show their unprejudiced preferences in bed? You wanna know what happened? He freaked out, to say the least.

What happened is, we were in bed and I wanted to romp things up. I was so tired of feigning how he was putting my honey pot in cloud nine in missionary and doggy style only.  I wanted something more. I wanted excitement, adventure.

Ladies, have you noticed how most men are in bed? They always think they know it all; pumping their damn ego and chimpanzee breasts in bed like they are some damn kings. How annoying. Sometimes, It would be awesome if they just gave it a rest. Women (some) do have a sense of adventure. Like I do. And it doesn’t help to have a chauvinistic piece of ass in bed.

My boyfriend Brian is a puritan. A sexist (if I had known he will be such a freaking stuck up in bed), maybe I wouldn’t have dated his good looks and god-like body. I told Brian what I wanted. I swear he looked at me funny. You know like some crazy chica from the looney bin.

“You want me to do what? “, he yelled in surprise.

” Keep it down babe. You will wake the neighbors “. I told him reasonably. He lived in a plot after all.

” You crazy if you think I will do that Grace. Crazy! “, he hissed. We were naked in bed. A moment ago he had been fully erect. Now, he was deflated like some balloon… His 8-inch baby’s head looked at me accusingly, his pink head glaring daggers at me, still pre-cum coating it.

” Am not crazy. Let’s just try something new. Humor me. “

“Grace, Grace, how many times have I called you? ” Geez. Did he have to sound like those Niger movies too? Just my luck.

” You such a wuss. You just overreacting because  I asked you to wank when I am looking? “,  I was getting annoyed. I hadn’t even told him I wanted him to give it to me on my back door. I couldn’t help wondering how he would react to that.

” Overreacting? You think am overreacting? Tell me, what self-respecting African man would do that? “. Here we go with this African bullshit mentality.

” Well, I don’t want to make any references you know… I mean  I am in your bed after all. But if you want, I know some few guys- “

” Shut up! “, he shouted interrupting me. Well, he had asked for it.” You really are shameless you know that? “

Am I? I wondered. Oh so it was okay for him to make stupid remarks but I wasn’t? Such a macho view and hypocritical at that . Oh well.

” Okay am sorry. It won’t bring that up again. I just wanted to experiment you know? But you know what’s  good for us”. There was no need to rave him more than this. It never worked. Besides, there was Mike… He did know how to give it to me. If only Brian wasn’t so stuck up about what he wanted all the time and just asked me what I  needed, I just might not have had any reason to cheat. He was an awesome guy overall truth be told. He was just ingrained in his ways when it came to making love.

“You better be. You know I love you right? It’s just that you scare the hell out of me sometimes with what you want. Your desires… God! ” with a frustrated sigh, he laid back on the bed closing the distance between us.

I knew what would follow. First, the missionary, secondly, they doggy. I had no hangups with these styles. I loved how he worked it sometimes. I just hated the fact that I couldn’t ‘work it too!’. There were a few thing I could show him. He could do for me. Like going down on me. Or we could do the spooning style.
It’s interesting how many couples have this kind of lifestyle. I bet  I am not the only woman who has a Brian in my life. Or the only one who has a ‘dick fisted man in my bed either’ (pardon my expression)
I find it crazy that most men assume that they are the ones who know. That they are the ones who get it more than women sexually. I get that it’s a dominance thing. But still, the machismo, egotistical and sexist mentality is the ruination of some relationships.

Just because a gal can perform a 180 degrees in bed and ask for more, it doesn’t mean she is a whore. Just because she has the guts of telling a man where to stick it, doesn’t qualify her for a seasoned loose woman. Or just because she can challenge a man in the sack, doesn’t mean a man has the right to get all his insecurity gauntlets out and start labeling her. Sex is a form of expression after all; everyone has the right to express themselves.

As a woman, it’s okay to be you in bed too (me thinks so). A man who can’t handle you in it sure has no right to handle you out of it. You have the right to want and ‘demand’ – they sure as hell do so. Why get turned in all 360 angles for the man and yet he can’t turn perpendicular for you (lol)? It’s better to have a dildo than a stiff sexist d*** up your honey pot.

With all that said, did you know that a study conducted by ACORD an Agency for Cooperation and Research in Development attributed 44.1% of all new HIV&AIDS infections are occurring in stable or long-term relationships? Not only that, this is influenced by risky sexual practices among the couples ; like having multiple sexual partners. This research discovery goes on ahead to point out that it’s  happening 3 times more amongst couples as compared to sexual workers in retrospect.

In addition, a study conducted by Kenya Medical Research Institute headed by scientist Zachary Kwena along Lake Victoria on partnership among women married to fishermen indicated a 6.2%  extramarital affairs statistics. The most common reasons why women stayed was due to denial of proffered sexual positions and increased sexual dissatisfaction among other reasons.

These research may be conducted on a small scale of the population. But they sure as hell indicate what is actually happening in the society at large. Personally, I have heard girlfriends talking about sex being one of the most important factors in any given relationship. They love sex. It is part of the appeal of being in a relationship.

Is it moronic then for men to assume women don’t care about sex as they do don’t you think? And it is even more so to assume they would not stray because of it. Call me a feminist if you like but I believe a woman deserves equal shares in bed as a man. Those who agree with me say I? Those who don’t say Nay? And let me smuck you with more facts!

You can also read >> One Night Stand! – Part 3,4 & 5

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Flip Side

The Flip Side is a Kenyan lifestyle blog covering human interest stories. The Flip Side is a publication of TechTrends Media Ltd. Send tips to

One Comment

  1. Mmmh,going by that statistic only (62 in 1000) women had extra marital affairs.So the ‘Brians’ are doing quite well and satisfying their
    nice read all the same.

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