Are you dating or married? What kind of man is you with?
1. The Stingy Man
He does not give out his money easily but wants to get all the benefits of being in a relationship. This could mean having ‘dates’ at your place. It is convenient, cheap and he spends nothing.
When you ask him for money, he gives you the exact amount, even if it’s sending it to Mpesa. You will be lucky if he includes withdrawal fee charges.
He is the type who looks for a bargain in everything. He may even occasionally bargain with you to go for cheaper things because after all it is pocket-friendly. Do not be shocked if he is the type to tell you to go Dutch on you first date!
He hates spending his money on anyone. He is so tight fisted that spending money on friends or family members is a task. His conversations are always lamentable on how he is expected to take care of other people.
He is good with promises where money is concerned but never fulfills them. Instead, he always has excuses why he is not able to come through. It might be a deal gone badly or someone owes him money and he’s just waiting for it to pun out. Or in some instances, he has selective amnesia whereby he forgot he promised you some money and he expects you to forget too!
He thinks men who take care of their women are weak and taken for a ride.
A stingy man finds it alien to give his woman gifts. He will unapologetically give excuses why gifts are not important compared to emotional investments, or go theoretical why gifts are absurd. On the other hand, he has no problem accepting gifts from you or other people.
2. The Emotionally Un-available Man
If you are in a serious relationship, you expect your man to contact you daily. An emotionally unavailable man might take days to contact you. Not keeping in contact gives him his space.
He intentionally does not spend quality time with you; he excludes you from his life. When he is hanging out with friends, attending events, he does not invite you. He finds excuses why you can’t tag along.
He does not want to commit or settle down. You have no clue where your relationship is heading. He want to keep things casual and undefined in order to avoid emotional entanglement that comes with a committed relationship. Emotionally un-available men are comfortable with flings for they want to be in position where they are comfortable on how much they invest in a relationship.
The fact that you are trending on unsure grounds, you become anxious in your relationship. You are normally the confident, go-easy kind of woman in relationships. Now, you are over- analyzing everything in your relationship, wondering what he meant when he said those words, everything he does affects you drastically that you have sleepless nights occasionally. You are not settled and you worry too much.
You have issues you need to talk about? Sort them out yourself or look for your woman friends to talk it out, not him. In a meaningful relationship both parties should feel it’s okay to be vulnerable in their emotions and expect understanding and love. However, if your man is unwilling or unable to be there for you when you need him the most, this is a sign you are with an unemotionally unavailable man.
He does not open up to you. When you are dating someone, there is a need for emotional intimacy. Therefore, when you find yourself wondering most times what he is thinking or feeling, know he has his guard up around you. The truth of the matter is he is emotionally unavailable and detached.
3. The Mama’s Boy
A mama’s boy is a man who is dependent on their mother for approval.
They can’t make decisions without their mother’s input or pat on the back. It is okay to seek advice from a parent even if you 50 years old. However, this guy takes it a notch higher even where common sense should precede.
Their moms can never do anything wrong. Do not try to disagree with her even in private or call her out when she is on the wrong. He will definitely side with her no matter what.
Their moms always know everything happening in their lives. They are the type of men when you have relationship issues, they run to their moms with tail tucked between the legs. Instead of sorting out problems together, you sort them out with the mom.
They are manipulative and spoilt. They are usually the victims and never own up to their mistakes. They can literally get away with anything courtesy of the mom.
He expects his woman to be like his mom. He measures up all the women he dates against her. It can extend to things like how she dresses, cooks her meals, to even critical decisions like how to run your home or raising your own kids to career decisions.
He probably still lives with the mom and he does not plan to move out soon despite the fact that he may having a very good job.
4. The Lover/Play Boy
He won’t see you at specific days or times of the week and he has no good reasons why he can’t see you.
When you visit his place, you may stumble upon trinkets that do not belong to you but other women.
He is very physical but never wants to have those deep conversations that have a long lasting effect on both of you.
The terms of your relationship or dating are not set in stone. This makes it easier for him to walk away from the relationship.
He blows hot and cold with you. One moment he is all over you but the next, he is missing in action with no explanations whatsoever. You can overlook it for some time and think its stress but at some point, it will become suspicious.
He may tell you he is a player and not ready to settle down and if you think you can change him, you may be out for heartbreak.
Sometimes he is convinced he told you certain things and he swears by it. He sure must have told another woman but forgot which one.
5. The Controlling Man
He expects what he says to be law. You do not question or voice your opinion; after all, he is the man and knows best. It gets to a point where you do not trust what you doing as the right thing unless he gives you the thumbs up.
He treats you like a child than an equal. He wants you to account for everything- from the running of the house, to how you even spend your own money. He has total autonomy on who you are and what you do.
Does he remind you of the little things you did against him every time you fall out of favor with him? A partner should never keep scores of wrong doings but rather address and move on from the issue. They should never make you feel you always owe them for how you messed up.
He acts like a director. If you are with a man who you constantly feel he wants to tell you what you need to do rather than connect with you, he has control issues. A man can be decisive in his preferences without necessary manipulating you to his way of thinking through coercion.
When you dating a controlling man, you find you are isolated from friends and families. It starts subtly by him monopolizing your time and full-blown out by him showing how much he does not like the people you in your life to him painting them in a negative light.
You are constantly apologizing and you do not know why. A person who wants to control you always acts the victim and portrays you as the villain in most instances.
You find you constantly hide small details from him. For example, you went out for girls’ date out and just hanged out. If you find yourself hiding little inconsequential things from him because you are afraid of how he will react, that is a red flag.
6. The Man-Cave Man
He lives in our ancestral error. He refuses to see the world has changed and adopt with the changing times.
He lives in era where women had no say, means of livelihood and were completely dependent on the man. What they were good for was as brooding mares and keeping the home in order.
He is the type of man who does not expect to consult his lady on affairs that affect them but rather act and expect the woman to follow his lead. He does not expect a woman to understand such complicated issues.
He does not believe women need to be empowered in order to be more self-sufficient but he believes in outdated gender roles.
He is innately a man chauvinist and is very vocal on his ideologies.
The man –cave man despises women empowerment and it can be observed in their snide remarks or how they treat women around them.
Florence Kimuyu is a lover of literature and anything artistry. She fancies herself as a sapio who has a penchant for the crazy, fun things in life with a twist for the morbid and fascinating dilemmas of life. Aside from that, she is also convinced, the only way to fight social and cultural stigmatization and backward thinking is yanking the horn where it hurts the most (in this case, where it matters)