Opinions

the KUYO factor

Once a random observation was made by Biko. The observation went that out of ten women Jang’o guys date, eight are Kuyoz. The number is astounding because we have so many other tribes that produce good women, Itsbut Jango just have to hit it with the Kuyo ladies.  It’s a trend that cuts across both divides. Jango’s just can’t get enough of the ‘Nyi Rabuon’ as they are referred to in Luo land. Have you ever dated a Jango? No? well maybe a Kuyo? still no? then you my friend have not seen the cross culture divide between this two groups.

Jango’s are the ultimate trophy guy, not because we wear our ego’s on our sleeves but because Ujaluo itatuua. Jango’s spend money like Pesa is otas. When they have it, you will have to know they have it. They have braggadocio written on their foreheads. They will brag and shove it in your face what privilege smells like. Even the average Jango in Kibera will still have a Samsung fridge and Samsung notepad in their house. This is how much ujaluo eats into us. If he is privileged and Gor Mahia beat the shit out of AFC

If he is privileged and Gor Mahia beat the shit out of AFC shemeji then that day he will wash his hands with Johnny Walker the drink, and burn a whole lot of cash. We live for the moment, that’s why poverty ravages our hometown. All that matters is the present, central the future will sort itself out. Our happiness is the key factor. And when it extends to the women we date, oh they have it good. But the fact is ego hates ego. That’s why we don’t date Luo women much. Their pride mingled with ours is a recipe for home wreckage or so we want to believe. That’s where the good women from Central come in. They love our ‘generosity’ oh yes they get the most out of it. When a guy from the lakeside falls in love with this yellow yellows they fall hard. Guys from the lakeside are dark or black depending on how you see it.  Maybe its the heat from that place that changes the tan in us. We are ebony dark, Lupita dark, but not Kajwang smart. We are PLO smart (but do we say!) Dark likes light. Its the nature of things, its one of those crafty tricks mama nature plays. You never hear women say tall, brown and handsome much do you? They like their men dark and handsome.

The political rife between Kuyoz and Jangos had been the double edged sword that had bonded us in matters coitus. There is always a dark desire that is innate which comes from going against societal norms. When you tell a kid not to steal sugar, chances are they will end up stealing the sugar not because they couldn’t help it but because they wonder why you didn’t want them to taste that sweet thing in the first place.See how this works? Most Parents from both the divide will warn against marrying people from certain tribes. What they don’t know is they are cultivating the innate desire to know just exactly why shouldn’t we challenge the norms. What lies on the side and this pretty much is what causes the Luo and Kuyo cohabiting. That aside. Kiuk ladies are amazing I must add. They know their stuff in bed alright. They are ambitious much and will drive a man into success if they really love you. They have good genes,t hey produce great off-springs, OK most of them not all…then they are BROWN! Being light skinned is aphrodisiac on its own, just ask….you know what never mind. A kiuk lady will help you burn your money in the most memorable way even if she is drinking you under the table. And man they drink….they will drink with you whether KwangKwang or Hennessy you are popping. That’s the best part. They wont stagger. And if she staggers she is not yours bro, you are offering community service. That day is your turn.

Notably they have nerves and are hard like the rock of Gibraltar. Just look at Iron Lady Martha Karua. If she doesn’t scare you a tad bit you go refer to Semenya. If you are marrying them you will have to be content with the fact that after two kids, she will start looking like a deflated balloon, her looks will wane but she will still have shining hair orr white hair like Kamwana’s missus.You will have to be content with eating waru mixed with Omena….waru mixed with mbuta….ugali and waru. You must have a high tolerance for Waru.Or get used to Cabbage for dessert every other day.Yummy no? But you wont dare complain then because you will remember your mom warned you ‘Okuyu to da’..you will know why your mum didn’t approve of the wedding..hehe but what the hell? You will remember you still love this Kikuyu lady from somewhere deep down.Its like ‘amekukalia chapati’you will remember love overrides all.Even if Kuyo ladies are rumored not to respect

That aside. Kiuk ladies are amazing I must add. They know their stuff in bed alright. They are ambitious much and will drive a man into success if they really love you. They have good genes,t hey produce great off-springs, OK most of them not all…then they are BROWN! Being light skinned is aphrodisiac on its own, just ask….you know what never mind. A kiuk lady will help you burn your money in the most memorable way even if she is drinking you under the table. And man they drink….they will drink with you whether KwangKwang or Hennessy you are popping. That’s the best part. They wont stagger. And if she staggers she is not yours bro, you are offering community service. That day is your turn. Notably they have nerves and are hard like the rock of Gibraltar. Just look at Iron Lady Martha Karua. If she doesn’t scare you a tad bit you go refer to Semenya. If you are marrying them you will have to be content with the fact that after two kids, she will start looking like a deflated balloon, her looks will wane but she will still have shining hair orr white hair like Kamwana’s missus.You will have to be content with eating waru mixed with Omena….waru mixed with mbuta….ugali and waru. You must have a high tolerance for Waru.Or get used to Cabbage for dessert every other day.Yummy no? But you wont dare complain then because you will remember your mom warned you ‘Okuyu to da’..you will know why your mum didn’t approve of the wedding..hehe but what the hell? You will remember you still love this Kikuyu lady from somewhere deep down.Its like ‘amekukalia chapati’you will remember love overrides all.Even if Kuyo ladies are rumored not to respect

You will have to be content with eating waru mixed with Omena….waru mixed with mbuta….ugali and waru. You must have high tolerance for Waru. Or get used to Cabbage for dessert every other day. Yummy no? But you wont dare complain then because you will remember your mom warned you ‘Okuyu to da’..you will know why your mum didn’t approve of the wedding..hehe but what the hell? You will remember you still love this Kikuyu lady from somewhere deep down. Its like ‘amekukalia chapati’ you will remember love overrides all. Even if Kuyo ladies are rumored not to respect marriage,or beat the crap out of men…(stop me if u feel I am getting political) you will stay there because sometimes our choices are the best. Who better to figure you out than yourself? We don’t come in as saints either….we have too much pride going for an individuals good health, we cheat because our libidos are almost insatiable…we talk a lot, inherit our brothers wives after they die and then force the poor woman to sleep with the dead body of their once living husband and act like its all OK. We have divergent cultures but love concurs it all.Despite the huge differences in backgrounds,we will still go out of our way to woo the daughters of Mumbi.Despite what they have been told they will still fall for the charismatic and generous luo guy who charms her.Despite his ‘Kihii-ness’ they will still sleep with him at a good price maybe,because with sex nothing is ever a freebie.You pay whether directly or not.Same old fable.We will not mind whether we grew up knowing kiuks are thieves or whether they knew what we only eat is fish.Its never an issue,until the elections come round the corner…then everybody will go into their tribal cocoons.But don’t we all?

We have divergent cultures but love concurs it all. Despite the huge differences in backgrounds, we will still go out of our way to woo the daughters of Mumbi. Despite what they have been told they will still fall for the charismatic and generous luo guy who charms her. Despite his ‘Kihii-ness’ they will still sleep with him at a good price maybe, because with sex nothing is ever a freebie. You pay whether directly or not. Same old fable. We will not mind whether we grew up knowing kiuks are thieves or whether they knew what we only eat is fish. Its never an issue, until the elections come round the corner…then everybody will go into their tribal cocoons. But don’t we all?

PS: When I first got the cut I didn’t know it was such a big deal ..then I dated a kiuk..well lets just say if you are Jango and dating a Kikuyu and you are not….well cut , know you are the butt of their jokes. I know a guy who knows a guy who this happened to…so now you know.

You can also read >> One Night Stand: Part One and Two

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Billy Omondi

Darwinian because in this world Darwin wins, not Einstein. Believes dreams are akin to your last breath.
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