The Wounds of a Broken Home: When Parents Separate, Children Suffer in Silence
Every child dreams of growing up in a happy, complete, and loving home. But not all dreams come true—some remain unfulfilled, others are shattered, and some end abruptly, without warning. And for a child, that’s the beginning of a painful nightmare.
When two people get married, they vow to stay by each other’s side in both joy and hardship, and to love and protect any children they may have. Sometimes, those marriages thrive. Other times, they break apart. But the question that often goes unasked is—what happens to the children? What becomes of their dreams?
Parental separation leaves lasting wounds. Some of these wounds are visible—changes in behavior, school performance, or social withdrawal. But others are hidden deep within, haunting children emotionally and mentally.
One of the most damaging yet often overlooked effects of a broken family is emotional trauma. Children in such situations may suffer from conditions like separation anxiety or avoidant attachment disorders. These make it difficult for them to express their emotions, trust others, or form healthy relationships. The fear of rejection becomes embedded in their minds, affecting their ability to interact and connect—even into adulthood.
In many cases, children blame themselves for the separation. They internalize guilt, thinking that they somehow caused the rift. This self-blame can spiral into depression or, in extreme cases, suicidal thoughts.
Sara, now 22, is a victim of this emotional pain. Her father left shortly after her birth. Though she remembers seeing him once around the age of five, she didn’t even know he was her father—he was never present, never nurturing. Her mother took full custody, and when she later remarried, Sara’s biological father stopped being involved entirely.
School days were the hardest. While other children excitedly spoke about their dads, Sara sat silently, feeling abandoned. “Some parents, when they separate, don’t just walk away from each other—they walk away from their children too,” she says. Now an adult, Sara still wrestles with the pain of never being able to say the word “dad” with meaning.
But separation doesn’t have to destroy the lives of children. If handled with care, compassion, and responsibility, divorced parents can still give their children the love and stability they need.
One important step is co-parenting. Even when custody is given to one parent, both must remain actively involved in the child’s life. Children should not feel abandoned simply because their parents are no longer together.
Consistency is another powerful tool. Children need routines to feel safe. Their daily life—schooling, family outings, holiday traditions—should remain as normal as possible. The goal is to reduce the sense of loss and maintain a sense of security.
Above all, parents must never use their children as weapons. Speaking ill of the other parent or fueling hatred only deepens the wound. Divorce should not become a reason to poison a child’s perception of their mother or father.
In Kenya, divorce cases are rising, and too often, the burden is placed on the children. Some drop out of school. Some suffer silently. Others run away to the streets. These are preventable outcomes.
Before choosing divorce, parents must ask themselves: What will this mean for our children? What will they lose, and how can we protect them?
No child wants to grow up with one parent simply because the other chose to walk away. No child wants to be called “fatherless” or “motherless.” Every child deserves love, care, and protection from both parents. And no child deserves to grow up carrying the wounds of a broken family.
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