Cupid strikes again on 14th. Love is all over, scenting the air with expectations mingled with anxiety for some. This is the day that lovers show their mettle. Where everyone is grappling to get a piece of the pie. But what about those lovers who are clueless on how to jump into the bandwagon or for those whose gestures have been met previously with indifference or open dismay and boredom?
Personally, I would have said you are doomed or on your own. But not according to Dr. Gary Chapman, the best selling author of, The Five Love Languages. You may have a saving grace.
Dr. Chapman believes lovers portray 5 different love languages and rarely do they share the same language. But he strongly believes that if someone is bold enough to learn and understand their partner’s love language, they may have just hit the jackpot.
In his book, Chapman explores how these 5 love languages shape and create dynamics in relationships. But that is a topic perhaps for another day. But today let’s talk about these languages that can assist you in giving your Valentine’s day, just the right perspective.
- Lovers who thrive on words of Affirmation
For some lovers, the best way you can get them to feel loved, is affirming them.
Chapman acknowledges that, for these people, it’s like pouring rain water to dry soil.
Affirmation basically is about verbally expressing your admiration for your partner by acknowledging their personality, their looks or how they relate to other people.
For people who their primary love language is to be affirmed, they want a partner who simply says: Thank you, I see what you doing for us, this relationship. I love how you take care of our family, how you go out of your way to ensure my mother is comfortable, how you always try to look beautiful despite your busy schedule, how your eyes shine when you smile. Or something cheesy as, you are my world.
To these lovers, that equals a thousand bouquet of flowers, different types of designer perfumes. Or even an exorbitant room and wine at Kempinski.
- Acts of Service Lovers
Are you in a relationship with someone who says: I wish you would just wake up in the morning and make me breakfast before you head out, make sure the kid’s lunch boxes are packed, wish you would just for once clean the bedroom or even try to wash the dishes once in a while?
You are in a relationship with someone who believes actions speaks louder than words. If you love them, why can’t you at least go to Tuskys and shop for groceries? Drive the kids to school sometimes in the morning?
These people for them to believe you love them, you have to show through actions. You telling them how you appreciate them doing this and that won’t cut it. They do not thrive on affirmation just the exact opposite. Actions.
This Valentine’s and the coming days, try to do stuff they would like for you to do for them normally and consistently. They would hang you in the center of their hearts.
- Receiving Gifts as a Symbol of Love
I am sure you have family members who when you ask them, nikulete? The first thing they would mention is a gift. They do not care what type of a gift it is, so long as you come back with one. Same applies to a partner you in a romantic relationship with.
For them, gifts symbolises your love for them. It lets them know you were thinking of them, you chose that gift specifically with them in mind.
Keep in mind, the best gifts are those you know will be appreciated. Ask questions and observe what your partner likes. And get them gifts similarly to their tastes and preferences.
- Creating Quality Time
The other day I found myself in a restaurant with a friend. Instead of actually putting his phone aside for the duration of time I was with him, he was glued on his phone half of the time. I felt offended. Why did he invite me out if we couldn’t even have a decent coversation?
In this situation, I felt offended because his undivided attention was not on me. This same principle applies to lovers who their primary language is quality time.
It does not matter what kind of activities you are involved in. Be it sitting looking at each other, cooking together, hiking, taking a walk, the rule of thumb is, let them be your focus of attention.
Your attention should say: you are important and I want to be with you. And those texts that say, you never spend time with me, would be a none issue. Being physically and mentally present, are two different things.
- Physical Touch Lovers
There are instances you have found yourself in situations where you partner asks you why you don’t like touching them and yet, they are so physical with you.
What your partner is trying to communicate is that, their first love language is physical touch. By just hugging, kissing or voluntarily touching them appropriately, you are simply expressing your love for them.
How can you then, find out your love language?
Dr Chapman says there are three ways to determine your love language:
Observe your own behavior
How do you normally express your love and appreciation to other people?
What do you complain about?
In any of your human relationships, what is your common complaint?
What do you request most often?
What you normally ask of people and from people pretty much points out your primary love language.
Understanding your partner’s primary love language is important. This opens ups an avenue for a better relationship not only for the benefit of Valentine’s but as a whole. Do not feel intimidated if you share a different love language. Rarely do couples share the same language. The best thing is that you can learn to speak your lover’s language. Plus it is critical not to forget the other love languages exist too.